Monday, April 19, 2010

Why Do You Hate Me

The chapters of Mr. Briggs and I came to an end hoping I would be able to have a new beginning instead of feeling like our relationship was on TIVO trying not to replay the memories. I changed, I saw myself going on multiple dates with nothing but emotional changes because he was still there in the back of my mind. I wish I had a reset button to where I didn't have one last thing to say about him. I found myself holding on to him trying to replace him, the text message that had me question all this. "Why do you hate me?". "Should I hate him?". Most people would say yes if I took a survey but I couldn't. I couldn't hate the person that gave me smiles and lessons even though he gave me bruises and sadness. What a contradiction huh? As I went on these dates I was holding myself back, it was one by one that I said I couldn't continue with another date and the excuse was that I wasn't ready because I had so many things going on in my life but the truth is that after our breakup the walls were manufactured from what was hate or maybe bitterness. I replied "I don't hate people", not sure if I meant it on his behalf though. "So with the ex's in your life how do you shake the lost cause and once you do shake them off where does the love go?"