Normal Is Just a Word

I got up this morning with a pain in my stomach maybe from the cold that chilled the room or the cold that chilled my heart. It was another late night with Mr. Briggs at his house watching tv and drinking tea. There was a part of me that couldn't believe that I was back at that place, taking the risk again and the other part of me was at ease because after all that happened in the past we were still able to move forward. He kissed my forehead as I walked in with a hug that embraced me with warmth and instead of a startle it put a smile on my face. I hugged him back hoping that I could seize and this moment of peace. I became part of a rerun with him and of course we became Mr. Big and Carrie Bradshaw looking nervous, was he proving that he was truly sorry for the past? By the end of the show on I was exhausted, I was falling asleep as he laid on my lap and my arm wrapped around him, it felt normal. In a world of abnormal situations do we lack the ability to even try to be normal? We talked about what was new in our lives and even though I wasn't with him I still was able to read him, able to see through the bags under his eyes and the deep thoughts of his life . He was still mine..... And he was right I still loved him and with such dismay at my feelings for him, he held me. He held me tight and all I could do is lay there wondering what the hell was I doing? Will I set myself up for failure again or will we be the couple that never were. "I miss this" I told him as I laid on his chest with the hopes of him not letting go anytime soon. I looked up at him wondering what his facial expressions were and all he did was stare at the ceiling. I couldn't explain it but I understood the silence. I understood that we couldn't get us on track but we were able to figure out eventually that things will happen. That night we just laid there holding each other with pecks on the lips and kisses on our necks, laughing at what we did wrong 4 months ago and the maybe what could become in the future, and with the last thought of "maybe" I fell asleep in his arms no sadness in my heart or mind just happy that we got a chance to be normal.